Did You Know: Eli Manning got his start playing "Corky" in "Life Goes On." #SuperBowl

Did You Know: Madonna has bigger biceps than Eli Manning. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: To perform at the halftime show, you MUST have an AARP card. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: Between downs, opposing players swap stories about nailing Kim Kardashian. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: Even though you all keep mentioning it, no one at your house knows what a dime defense is. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: The Giants wear special contact lenses to keep them from being mesmerized by Tom Brady's beauty. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: This is the first chance all season for the fans in Indianapolis to watch a pro football game. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: The orange sauce coating Buffalo wings is the same stuff Snooki uses for bronzer.  #SuperBowl

Did You Know: When Tom Brady cut his hair earlier this season, three angels died. #SuperBowl

Did You Know: After she finishes singing the national anthem, Kelly Clarkson will suit up as linebacker for the Giants. #SuperBowl

 #SuperBowl: Both teams have deep threats, a ferocious pass rush, and one more thing I overheard someone on TV say that now I can't remember.

I don't know why people like SpongeBob so much. He's so self-absorbed. (Rimshot)

A man in a President Obama mask robbed a Florida McDonald's. He was caught a few blocks away, giving the money away to poor people.

The Spice Girls say they may reunite if the conditions are right. Although I don't think we should give in to terrorist demands.

Yesterday was Groundhog Day. But I don't rely on the groundhog, I use another adorable weather predictor: Al Roker.

Some middle schools are banning Uggs, because students are hiding cell phones in them... especially the new Samsung 4G Insole.

I tried to tell my dog a knock-knock joke, but he started barking like crazy before I could finish.

Donald Trump endorsed Mitt Romney yesterday. They agree on many points. Mostly that it's awesome to fire people.

Welp, gotta get out and hit those After-Groundhogs Day Sales.

My doctor told me I need to cut back on calories. "Piece of cake," I said.